When fever ascends, a peculiar state prevails. I lie on the bed, feeling as if I am reclining on the softest bed in the world. Where I lie, the entire expanse is utterly plush, comforting, and joyous. Yet, around me, on the same bed, some thorns have emerged. They are advancing toward me rapidly, but are unable to reach me. I remain unperturbed. Half of my attention is centered on the luxurious bed providing comfort, while the other half gazes at those thorns. There is no aversion, no fear, just an observation that they are attempting to approach me.
The fever gradually intensifies, climbing to my head. My eyes close. Now, it feels as if I am lying in some vast ocean. Its water is warm but not burning, a gentle warmth akin to the sunlight in winter. My body is calm, relaxed. The warm water of the ocean has permeated my body, creating a gentle tremor within, yet there is no restlessness. Eyes closed, my body seems to dissolve.
After a while, a profound weariness sets in. In the midst of the intense fever, I move my body slightly, emitting a groan. I open my eyes lightly and see a CFL bulb flickering. Unsure if it's dawn or dusk, the CFL flickers for twenty-four hours. I close my eyes again, and my body, once again, begins to dissolve into relaxation.
I ponder: Am I alive? What does it mean to be alive? Is something taking birth within me? Are my breaths mingling with the air? Does my personality affect anyone? What is my significance? I have no clue about the extent of light or darkness; why do I exist?
Yet, these questions do not disturb me; I contemplate them with a serene mind.
Two days later, the fever subsides, and I feel a lightness. Until now, it seemed as if I was carrying someone else's burden on my shoulders. That burden lifts. Rising from the soft bed, I place my feet on the cool ground, which provides tranquility. Removing the curtain and stepping outside, I witness brightness; the sunlight is vibrant. I take a deep breath, and the outside air merges with my breath.
I am content. It feels like there is still some life left within me. I am alive. The impact of my existence is positive.
Today, again, it feels good, just like that.
Recently, I overcame the fever of love. I was lying still, with closed eyes, and something was merging within.
Today, life is felt again, light and very light.
It feels good.
